“But don’t you want to experience, Mama?”

I had just picked my son up from his gymnastics camp. Upon seeing me and running to the car, he stopped abruptly, looked me square in the face and said, “Let’s go hunting for cicada shells.” 

I’ve learned that these are the sorts of moments to lean into, at least when time allows. But I decided to seek clarity. What, exactly, was the plan?

And then my son said explained. “At lunch today we went looking for cicada shells. Come ON, Mom! Let’s go! Don’t you want to experience?”

To which I asked the obvious question. 

“Experience what?”

He looked at me as if I was missing the point completely. 

“EXPERIENCE! Don’t you want to experience, Mom?”

His small expectant face scrunched up into incredulity, clearly baffled by my pause to consider the question. In his mind, there was only one very obvious answer. 

Yes. 

And looking at that beautiful face, I realized that he was right. There is only one answer.

I want to EXPERIENCE. I want to do PJ dance parties in the living room, and buy last minute cheap tickets to see Hamilton, again, who cares if it’s a restricted view? I want to schedule the get together with the friend I haven’t seen in ages, and I want to sit next to my friend grieving the loss of her partner. 

I want to hunt for cicada shells even though I still am not completely sure what exactly that means. 

I want to be present and awake and alert and alive and aware. 

I want to savor the big and little moments that make up even the crappy days. Or savor the sleep that shuts those days down and opens up a fresh new one. 

I want to squeeze every last drop out of this one life. 

It turns out it is a full sentence. “I want to experience.” 

We walked behind the construction site that day, in a patch of grass and trees, and hunted for cicada shells, which we did not find, much to the disappointment and frustration of my curious child. 

But I found something else that day, digging in the mud. An open door, an invitation, the first steps of the dance of “experience”.